I am.
I was on a dating website a few days ago, and a several guys messaged me. Guess what each one of them wanted? Sex. When I told them I wasn’t like that, and that I was looking for a relationship they stopped talking to me.
This doesn’t just happen online all the time, but in person as well. I’ve been to several gay organizations at my university, and they do the exact same thing. The guys seem to be so obsessed with sex and are extremely shallow.
They have a lot of parties. But these parties aren’t innocent. They have strippers and people nearly naked at them. It’s so sleazy. Nothing moralistic about them. No love in them. Just a bunch of drunk people playing with each other.
Does anyone else find this disturbing? Are there any gay guys who aren’t like this, or am I just alone? lol
I ask this because it depresses me a bit…
Your thoughts?
|
||
Fellow Lgbt People: Are You Sick Of The Gay Dating Scene?11 comments to Fellow Lgbt People: Are You Sick Of The Gay Dating Scene? |
 |
|
|
Copyright © 2012 Online Dating Blog - All Rights Reserved |
||
I’ve noticed the same thing, unfortunately gay culture seems to be based almost entirely around sex, which to be honest, i think is one of the the reasons that homosexuals are stereotyped into being solely “sexual beings. I myself, when i was introduced to this culture, was subjected to this train of thought, and for subsequent years, followed this culture blindly thinking that thats all there was. But its not! After getting out of a particularly bad relationship i realised i didn’t want to live this as an ant in this over sexualised culture any more and stopped going out to gay bars and didn’t go onto dating sites etc and by chance met the guy who is my partner now, and who i expect to be as such for the rest of my life, in a seminar on Cicero. He is fantastic and is a perfect reflection of how i feel about this subject as well. We connected instantly and i’ve been much more content with everything, including my sexuality since. Both of us are what you might call ‘traditional’ ie we started the relationship innocently and morally, dating, not sex, meeting families in a civilized environment etc. which is something i had never experienced before due to exactly what you were talking about, the parties and the bars and the websites..
But yes, people like you and i do exist!:P Even, like me, they are/were blindly following the sexualised gay culture because they don’t think there are any alternatives but I’e met more guys since who are in the same mind frame as us, and are looking for more than just sex and an on off relationship.
I hope from my experiences it’ll give you a push to keep looking for the right guy, and don’t give up and slip back into the unfortunate culture which has given gays everywhere a bad name.
Good luck!
I completely sympathize and understand where you’re coming from. I, too, have found the gay dating scene, in general, very over-sexualized.
In fact, I asked a yahoo question about what people thought was the reason for it. Most people said they thought it was media, which I agree with, along with self-fulfilling prophecy (Society thinks I’m a sex fiend? I’ll show them sex fiend!”), the term “homosexual” itself (as opposed to homoemotional, homosensual, etc.), and rejection of “heterosexual norms” (relationships, commitment, children, etc.)
So no, you are by no means alone, and I can attest to the fact that there are other gay men out there wanting exactly what you want. I have been in a committed, loving, rewarding relationship with a guy for over a year now, and it has been utterly amazing! So don’t give up, there are intelligent, mature, not-obsessed-with-only-having-sex guys out there, and they’re probably wondering where you are!
And as far as fixing the problem, the best advice I can give is to discuss this topic with your gay friends, and try to raise awareness that sex-only is not the only way a gay man can function in the dating scene. And once you do find a special guy, let your relationship be an example for your community as to how gay men can be in happy, loving, committed relationships.
Best of luck.
Really? I’ve performed at that kind of party several times, it’s not exactly for kids but I’ve never seen it as oversexed. Average parties seem the same to me.
I actually have the opposite problem, when I’m not looking for a relationship the people I end up with are always like “I love you. Let’s get married.”
before meeting my partner dating was terrible and too many we’re fakes/users
I do think that it’s fine for some that they are only after sex but I think it’s better people know where they stand – parties like you describe sound like they are very likely to be sexual though
there are genuine people out there – there are many people on this site who are in a monogamous relationship for example so that’s a good sign I think!
maybe when you stop looking you’ll find someone or try changing where you look?
Good luck
I’m the one who is guilty of looking for sex lol
The gay organization at my university is probably what “you’re” looking for, they never talk about sex.
Well, i haven’t had much interaction with gay guys around me but not all guys are so desperate for sex there are also gay guys who are classy and don’t have such a shallow character!
most of the guys i liked were 30 something and mostly they go to clubs/bars and just hook up and i always ended up getting hurt and since they were 30 something i thought they were going to settle but theyre not
Yes the NSA stuff does get old, I like to get to know and have fun along with the wild sex.
Maybe join a gay church.
Ah! I know!
I’ve seen my good friend been taken advantage of so many times by guys who just want sex.
There are DEFINITELY other guys out there. My boyfriend and I are in love in love. We are not just sex demons haha. We’ve been together for over two years and I’m only just having turned sixteen…
Anyway, you will find the right guy believe me. There’s your deal breaker. You’ll know he’s the right one because he’ll have *gasp* morals!
i agree
i am 17 and havent started dating yet (i havent even kissed a guy because no one even knows im gay).. im waiting until next year when i start college
but yeah the gay dating scene scares me.. i guess guys are promiscuous by nature. so get a bunch of young horny guys together and its bound to be very sex-obsessed/shallow
there is heaps of other guys out there that feel the same way as you.. you’ll just have to look harder to find them.
also i think by about the age of 25 most guys start getting over their wild party days (i dont know how old you are.. i’m assuming younger)
I went through a year and a bit of that crap after I broke up with my ex. And even the guys I thought were interested in something else, well, they took off pretty fast after they “got what they wanted” from me.
Then I found my new perfect boyfriend. And the funny thing is, somewhere I knew in the pit of my stomach I wasn’t going to find him online, or in a bar, or something like that… he was just a random guy I’d admired from afar at my gym. We just started chatting, hanging out with no expectations, and bam, next thing I knew I was staying over at his place every night and he was telling me he loved me.
You just need to wrap yourself around two facts here… 1) when it happens, it’ll be totally unexpected and when you weren’t even thinking about it – it’s hard to find what you’re looking for, but if you stop: guess what? There it is! 2) You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a Prince – I hung out/dated a ton of guys before Mr. Right – and if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate him for what he is.
So don’t paint everyone with the same brush, but know that your man is out there and one day he’ll find you.