I was on my dad’s computer to print out some things for school, i looked up the history and i found an online dating site on it, and i found out he had secretly made an account for it. my mum had caught him at it a long time ago and got extremely upset, but he laughed and brushed it off and said “its funny seeing all those women there” and said it was just a once off, but now i found it on his very recent history. I am scared of what to think. I looked at his “profile” which thankfully did not have a picture, and thankfully he hasnt been contacting any of the women, but in the profile he said
- he wasnt religious (he is – or claims to be- christian)
- he was separated
- lived in a different state and was a different age
i dont know what to think. im 15 and i am really scared and i have no idea what to do, my parents have been married for almost 25 years. i know he isn’t physically cheating on my mum but just knowing that hes LOOKING for/at women is upsetting. Please help me! 
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Help Me! Is My Dad Cheating On My Mum?32 comments to Help Me! Is My Dad Cheating On My Mum? |
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I am sorry that you are going through this. It is very difficult to understand the choices that our parents make and even harder to actually face them with these questions. When I was 8 I went through a similar situation. I don’t know what type of relationship you may have with your dad, but I had one that was very close. I talk to my dad and I told him how he was braking my heart to see him disrespect my mother, and that I didn’t want to loose our family. He decided to talk to my mom about it and they worked out their problems. I am not saying that the same thing will happen for you, but I think that you should talk to your dad maybe there is some misunderstanding. You shouldn’t have to be the one to tell you mom about the situation. Its not your responsibility its your fathers responsibility.
HE MIGHT NOT HAVE CHEATED YET BUT HE IS REALLY THINKING ABOUT IT OR HE WOULD HAVE NEVER WENT TO THE SIGHT HE HAS ALREADY MADE HIS MIND UP AND I THINK IT THAT HE IS GOING TO TRY SOMETHING NEW SORRY
y don’t u 3 sit2gether and sort out the issue.
when u r in the picture your father may respond favourably to your views and he may retrack his path before he travels farther.
good luck!
you are too young to handle this alone! You knwo in your heart you mum needs to know.
I’m also really sorry but i have to say, it does look bad, it looks like hes looking for another woman.
But no matter what, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT, AND NEVER WILL BE!
this sounds like midlife crisis to me… it happens to men and believe you me women at a certain age when they start thinking oops i’m past it.. i’m losing my looks whod be interested in me now etc… so they start looking for that sort of attention elsewhere.(even if they make up most of the personal info like u’ve mentioned).. despite the fact that he’s been married to your mom for a long time and does love her in his own way..(otherwise he wouldn’t be going to lengths to hide this from her). i suppose it’s his way of reassuring himself that he’s still wanted and hasn’t faded totally into old age. i wouldn’t mention this to your mom .. it would cause an unecessary rift between them at the moment and if anything you don’t want to alienate him now and push him into continuing this… however i think you should go up to him in private and talk about it…. find out his reasons why.. make him know how you feel about it… and hopefully this silly phase will just end there and then… don’t keep this inside dear…
i think you should confront him in private. it will be very hard and upsetting but just go say “dad, i was on your computer and i saw that you have an online dating service account and that your getting onto it..please explain it to me because i dont understand why you would do this.” and see what he says. good luck.
I really believe that your father is just using this on-line dating as entertainment for him. Just like you use yahoo answers for entertainment. You say that he has been on line with this site almost 2 years, and has never acted on it.
I understand that it is very upsetting to you, but do not fret. Your parents have been married for 25 years, and I am sure you dad loves your mom.
I would advise you to discuss this with your Pastor, or your school counselor, or anyone you feel will help you deal with this problem.
Hope I helped.
Hi, Seen your mail from it what I understand is…Your father’s past maybe was not that good with girls/women but he loves his family thou, but to satisfy himself he is indulged in these kind of activities….some people have some strange thinking and hobbies , maybe your father is also into the same category…try not to break their 12 years of marriage because you think (just think) that he is having an affair thru net….but I think it is very common for a person to react like that…Just ignore all this a be yourself but again if at all he is really involoved in physical then you should react……….
So this would be the answer from a dad who has been faithfully married over 30 years.
It would not be cheating unless it was physical. Looking at sites on the internet is no different than reading a book.
You are talking about a guy who told everyone that he was just curious and frankly a bit bored. The time spent at the computer looking for people he might know is recreation and he is not emotionally involved with any of them. Accept this explanation as the truth. This is what he has said and as I feel the same way I beleive him.
If he was surfing for curiosity he would have had to establish
a profile. With no intent to follow up on anything and to maintain anonimity OF COURSE the information was incorrect. If it were accurate you would have reason to worry.
Here is where you have to ask yourself a few questions.
Has your father ever given you reason to doubt his fidelity to your mother? Does he treat as a father should and with respect? What will happen if you make a public declaration of your snooping? Some of these answers include marital discord, unnecessarily. They may even include seperation.
My recommendation is this. Find a quiet time when you are alone with your father. TALK TO HIM. Tell him what you found.
Tell him you are disturbed and are a bit confused about it. THEN, Let him explain to you. He will most likely explain that he loves your mother would always be faithful and that that was curiosity. It will most likely all be true. DO NOT say anything to your mother. There is nothing good that will come form that and many bad things including a lot of hurt and pain.
The person to discuss this with is your father, no one else.
You are dealing with an adult issue and do not posses an adult perspective. Most of the people posting on here do not have the understanding, tolerance or life experience to deal with the marriage issues of a 10 year marriage, much less 25+ years. A 15 year old girl cannot understand the mindset of a guy married as long as your father. I can tell you this. The person to talk to is your father.
If you cannot find it in yourself to do that it will be a good indiccation that you are ill prepared to face this issue head on.
You would be doing yourself, your mother and your father a big favor if you talk to Dad. As an additional part of that discussion you would also be doing the parents a great favor
if you give some of your knowledge of the computer to your father. He should appreciate it greatly if you show him the history and casche and how to delete it. I’m assuming that he does not know about those features or he would be clearing them frequently. This is important for a number of reasons especially if they do any banking or credit card purchases online. He should be clearing that information as a usual
procedure to keep it from spyware.
Talk to your father.
This can’t go on. I definitely would tell your mother. You aren’t protecting her by not telling her. If you tell your dad, he will just erase the evidence and tell you he’s over it and then go on to be more devious about it. Your mom needs to know so that she can tell him they need to be in marriage counseling. This will be the big issue they have to discuss and she will find out whether she trusts him – with the help of the counselor. The thing is, I hope she doesn’t tell him that you found it. He may secretly blame you for all his troubles from now on (and of course he is the one to blame, no one else!) She can tell him that she found the evidence on the computer.
Also, when you tell her, show her as you tell her. She may want to deny that such things are going on. She might want to deny that your father would do this after she already confronted him once. So when you tell her, be at the computer and show her. That way, she will have to realize the situation.
Good luck! Marriages can be repaired. This one can, let’s hope. But if he continues to deceive your mother, it can cause worse problems than just lies being told.
Yes more then likely he is cheating and being unfaithful to your mom. Confront youer dad and let him know that you found this out and see what he has to say and tell him to tell your mom. If he does not then you tell your mom what is going on. Good luck to you.
Trust me, honey, he is cheating.
Tomorrow night, after dinner, when you’re sitting there with your parents, say to your dad: “So, dad, want to tell mum about that guy on the dating site who’s using your name, or shall I?”
Please dont jump to conclusion. Your parents been married for 25 years, give a little credit to your dad.
It might just be for fun and passing time. You mentioned that it started since 2005, did any thing happen or did your dad behave differently?
Did it ever occur to you that there are millions of people doing this and not all get involved physically but then again you might just be the unlucky ones where your dad had gone astray but I strongly doubt it. You mum could had caught him if he was doing any thing wrong.
Give your dad the benefit of the doubt and just wait.
Good Luck
Talk to ur dad in private. Listen to what he says. Ask him whether he still loves ur mom. If he does, then ask him why is he looking for other women? There may be some hidden problems between ur parents which we kids don’t understand, esp ur age.
All the best!
(quickest way to do.. if u want, delete his profile! and check back later whether he has created it back. If he does, there’s a big problem!)
Send this question to the Dr. Phil website!
What a bunch of stone throwers.
This little girl shouldn’t be involved in this adult situation at all!
She also should not be invading her fathers privacy.
She is entering into an adult situation that would leave her feeling guilty and at fault if her mother and father were to split up.
I agree the mother should know, but maybe if the daughter has to do it she can just leave the history folder open or write down the directions on how to check the history folder so her mom can find it for herself.
Anyone here who is an adult with children should already know this and shouldn’t be condoning in involving this little girl. How shameful.
You need to talk to your dad, tell him what you found ,tell him you think your mother should know. He is a sad person that needs fantasy life . Show him your question and answers or print some out. Yes your mother should know but think how much she will be hurt. This is his problem let him sort it.Let him know how hurt you are . Good luck.
His dad may be bored and is just going online and making things like fun, you never know until you follow the whole thing secretly to see if he gets any messages by those girls.
don’t listen to people who say he is really cheating, it is 50/50.
I know a friend that its a she, she’s married and has done stuipd games like this online with different name and town, just to get to have a laugh. But there is another point, you never know if he is REALLY bored of his marriage, and trying to have fun, but one day a real Russian beauty with her snake attitute may come and grab your dad…and he’ll get excited to meet, and things can go forward…. so best is follow in a secret path, be his spy, to see.
Another option is, talk to your mother about it, but maturely. First time i saw porn videos under my dad’s bed i was bloody shocked, but now that i think about it, mums and dads are same type of people like us, they can be horny, sex drives, and all those… it’s just it may be discusting for us to wonder our dad’s and mums can ever flirt…
talk to your mum and ask a big promise not to tell him….
or do this investigation with a brother or a sister if you have one… and catch your dad… and …you never know… he may get mature one day!
talk with ur dad,and tell it to ur mother too.
WOW… So sorry you have to go Thu this… You need someone to talk to about this… For you.. to sort out your feelings, pain, confusion… You don’t have to “do” anything… Find someone… A big brother/sister, school counselor, somebody..
I don’t think you should assume he is or isn’t. Most important is to deal with you and your feelings.. After you are feeling more centered, then you will ‘Know’ what to do.
Probably talking to Dad first would be best… but you must be very strong, if you had a cousin, or someone in the family you trusted to be your support line it would be good. According to how close you are with your dad..
How long ago did she catch him? before the profile was set up??
Men and Women look, it is okay to look. Try not to be in judgment of this… I know many Faiths consider cheating in the mind is real cheating. Personally I feel it is what we do with our feelings/ what comes up in our mind. Lots happens in our head, if we don’t act on all of them we are not sinning we are simply organizing our thoughts, shaping them into what is real and what is not…
Good luck, keep in touch if you’d like..
I wonder if he had to use a credit card to open the account???
Hmmmmm if so, you could do the helpful routine.. when they are both in the room, you could say… OH DAD.. the credit card company called, I think someone must have stolen your identity, there is a charge on your card for a dating service (have the name of the service) !!!!!!
Then see if his teeth drop.
If he’s innocent.. all will be well, if not, your mom needs to know before she is really hurt, and it will appear that you are doing your civic duty by protecting your family’s credit.
Good Luck baby, you’re in a no win situation, and if you don’t like confrontations, sitting down with dad isn’t really an option for you.. so Bombshell may be your best bet.
it could just be fantasy.
as ppl get older they go thru a # of different things
trying to recapture their youth… mid-life crisis.
U should talk to ur dad or ur mom. Do u feel he would b truthful?
Possibly he lied to hide his true i.d., & other things.
(a christian should not lie; Satan is the Father of the lie)
u said he’s not physically cheating,which is good. BUT
as per the scriptures thinking on it comes 1st; then acting on it comes next, also the scriptures say that doing it in ur heart is as bad as actually doing it. Not er’1 actually does act on it,nonetheless, u should talk 2; 1 or both ur parents.
hope this helps.
Tell your Dad what you found and ask him to stop NOW. As its hurting you, and your mom, and that’s not fair to your family. Also, if he is a Christian, then he is sinning. He should repent now, and get right with the Lord and You!
Based on what you saw, you should tell your Mom.
Show her if necessary the history and what you found
including his profile so she will have concrete proof of his
activity on the computer.
She will handle it from there.
If you happen to be around when she discusses this w/your
Dad; you can come to her defense.
You are young, but you should stand by your Mom no matter
what.
Cheating is wrong regardless which one is at fault.
We really can’t answer if he is or isn’t cheating on your mom..Only he knows..ask him.
Your dad is a *** hole! why is he doing this? maybe jsut the fact that he thinks its funny to play around on on-line dating services. A lil weird yes but, this is jsut prob to his amusement. does your dad live a boring life? if so then that your answer. well dont sweat it.
You definitely should go to him about it first, maybe once he sees that his secret is out, he’ll feel bad and try to rectify the situation. Tell him that he needs to come clean with your mom or you will. Save the evidence if you can just in case your mom is so in love that she won’t believe it unless she sees it. But overall sounds like he’s up to no good. If your happily married, there’s no need for you to have a personal page on a dating site that says your “separated.” He’s obviously looking for something he’s not getting or getting enough of.
i am sorry to tell you this but if your dad has already done this before it means he is no longer interested in your mom. You should really tell you mom even though she might be hurting for a while she will thank you in the long run. If you can tell her to her face give her a letter explaining the situation and proof of how you know that your dad is cheating on her.
I think you should tell her Mom. She deserves to know.
so who are you not to let him join in on the reindeer games. lolz. im kidding. this is what you do little one. you go with your dad somewhere and then just tell him dad is everything ok? and he will ask why and then tell him what you saw when you were doing your work and let him explain it to you. dont involve your mom yet!!. and thats good theres no recent activity on the account right? so dont be sad little one. just talk to him. he will listen to his daughter. and explain to him daddy you want a nice home for me when i grow older right. what if the man i pick does the same thing dad? make him think. best wishes.
Some men go through a very weird period as they start getting older. Talk to your dad one to one, be rationale and try explaining to him how you know this and what it is doing to you. Let him give you an explaination, they you have to decide whether you believe him or not. If he admits to it them ask him to tell your mom. It will be easier coming from him than from you. If he decides to lie, and i pretty much think you will be able to see through one, then you may want to tell your mom yourself as gently as possible. You are in a hard place but hang in there. Hopefully this is a passing phase.
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