I am a 33 yr old stay-at-home mom to four and one on the way. I don’t have a close extended family. The last time I had a good friend was eight years ago. (We stopped being close because she made bad choices and she moved away. I still care for her, but she is not a safe friend.) Making new friends has been a constant struggle for me since being married (14 years). I have tried many things to connect to other women. I have joined different mom groups, active in my church, and I even threw baby showers, hosted parties, and planned numerous play dates. I am a good friend: I am a good listener, I am intuitive, fun, and interested in other people. I am not afraid to be vulnerable (when appropriate.) I seem to join a group that is already closely established, or a group of friends that are bff’s, or women that just don’t share my same beliefs or lifestyle choices. I have moved six times in the past eight years. I have had to switch to six different churches, too. (My husband is a pastor). I feel depressed over the loss of everything familiar when I move, lack of no real girlfriends, and feeling of being overwhelmed as a stay at home mom without support from other moms in the same lifestyle. We moved to a different new state five months ago and I am having a real hard time. I am doing my best to be social. I have also signed up online to groups and have already been active, but I want a friend that I can spend time with in person. The depression and lonliness I experience can make me very negative and disinterested in the things I enjoy doing (or have to do, like chores). I eventually have a good cry, and then get back to my normal activites. But, the depression and lonlieness creeps back in, because, well, I AM lonlely and it depresses me. Any help would be great!
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How Do You Cope With Depression And Lonliness As A Stay-at-home, Christian Mom?7 comments to How Do You Cope With Depression And Lonliness As A Stay-at-home, Christian Mom? |
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wow, i really feel for you. you seem to be doing everything right but to no avail…i also commend you for (apparently) being so supportive of your husband and his commitment to his work.
it makes me wonder if he is as supportive of you and your needs? does he kno how you feel about having to move so many times and the effect it has had on your relationships and personal fulfillment??? i completely understand why you would be depressed and lonely! making girlfriends is very hard and you have had to try to do that more than most grown women do in a lifetime. it sounds like you have experienced a good amount of rejection (if unintentional) as a result of trying to connect so many times with women in each new city, and rejection is tough no matter where it comes from.
so. i would start at home. if you haven’t already, sit down with your husband and have a good talk with him about how you are feeling. make sure to talk about all the moving you’ve had to do. i am assuming here that your husband is a good and understanding listener as his career would indicate. you don’t say if you are a stay at home mom, but if you are, try to do some negotiating with your husband and get some free time each week to pursue your own interests.
maybe chasing freindships *less* and your own interests more is the way to go. it sounds like all the ways you’ve sought friends has revolved around your faith or mom-ness. what else brings you joy? reading? quilting? cooking? drawing? welding??? ;> perhaps you can take a class while your kids are with their dad – or a sitter – to better yourself. seeking out things you like will make it more likely that you will find like-minded woman to form friendships with…maybe the women you’ve met at mommy-and-me class or church groups simply haven’t shared your interests, and that’s why you haven’t formed solid friendships! it’s great that you are a faithful person and a committed mom, but there is more to all of us than religion and family.
by exploring other sides of yourself you give yourself an opportunity to be more, which will feed your soul regardless of how many friends you make in the process.
good luck!
Atheism. You will be aware of the true scientific wonders of the natural world as seen through your own eyes, and not those of the long-dead writers of a two thousand year old fairy tale.
try a pen pal that works
awh,
well since you have four children,
invite their friends over. get to know
the kids’ moms! ask them to do
lunch dates. if i had four kids and
a supportive husband, my life would
be great! i’d be so involved with them,
i wouldn’t hardly have time for girl-
friends. i have always had a hard time
making friends, so i usually find one
friend and we become best friends.
get a facebook! meet up with friends
you used to live near.
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way — it certainly can’t be comfortable for you.
Would it be possible for you to talk to a counselor? She/he might be able to help you sort our what you are feeling and help make things look brighter in your life. It sounds like you have a lot of positive attributes, and I think with a little counseling you might be able to pull yourself out of this.
I am saddened to hear this. At the age of 33 with 4 kids and another on the way, it is justifiable that you feel depressed; however, your case is far from hopeless, and here is what I would recommend for you to do: (1) Get your tubes tied and stop the onslaught of kids, (2) If your house is loaded with dogs & cats, get rid of them. You have your hands full with five kids, and kids are more important. (3) You are a good person. Remember this, and if making friends is hard, it’s not your fault. (4) Remember first and foremost that having friends is good but not the best thing. The best thing is the love of your kids and your husband, and if you have this, you have more than most people.
May God bless & strengthen you.
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