Ok so here’s the deal. My husband has been deployed to Iraq for the last 12 months, he normally tells me everything and we have had a close connection. The thing is our first year was pretty bad, he couldn’t stop looking at internet porn, was very possessive and controlling. So then when I raised all this concern he shaped up, (I told him I was leaving him) and then he did a total 180.
Well while he was deployed he told me that a female coworker was coming onto him and that she kissed him and he reported it and they moved her. But he waited a whole month to tell me anything about it, and then couldnt understand why I got so upset.
Well one day on skype a girl messaged me thinking I was him, I had a picture of him up and not myself, and she said she hadn’t seen him on the site lately. So I clicked on the link and it was an online voyer type sex site. Where they apparently can perform on a web cam. So I typed in an email address and figured out the password and sure enough he had a profile with them. He didnt have anything on his profile except a picture of him from a few years ago. And it didnt show that there had been any contact with anyone or anything, his profile was empty except for a picture. He told me what his email and password were but I never invaded his privacy to check on it, but I did that time and found all these emails in his spam folder from an internet dating site. So I figured it out and signed into that one as well, same thing, he wasnt contacting anyone and the only thing on there was a picture from a long time ago. So then I confronted him about it and he said he didnt know how to delete them and that he hadent visited them in 2 years (since we have been married) He is a real slacker on things and tends to just forget about stuff and is quite lazy at times. So he didnt see what the big deal was that he had those sites before and he hasnt visited them since we have been married. The thing that bothered me was just that he had one in general, I could see that there had never been any activity and no contact.
Well I recently left base after picking him up from his tour so that I could take my finals here in another state, and I can’t help but have a gut feeling, maybe Im just being insecure.
While he was gone I made a facebook account and he totally went off the deepend saying that married couples shouldnt have those kinds of things (he deleted his myspace once I made a facebook, I deleted my myspace when problems arose from male friends contacting me, he was also monitoring my myspace) so I deleted my facebook. Well today I went to see if maybe he made a facebook or myspace or whatever. Well to my shock he did make a facebook, but went by an alias name, not his real name, the same thing though, no profile, no picture, no info other than email and age, no nothing to the profile. Its really strange. I dont know if he is leading a double life, or if these are cheating tendencies, or he was trying to see and monitor if I was getting another facebook. Just strange. I don’t really think its normal behavior and would really appreciate any advise. I love him, and he really is a sweet guy, but some of his quirks are really weird. Like his jeolousy, possessive and how he monitors me on things. I really need some advise with this, because I dont want it to lead to future heartbreak, I have never had distrusting issues with him until I left for my finals, but Ill be gone for 3 weeks and then supposed to be going back up there. If you can give me good advice I would really appreciate it, this is really hard for me, if you need me to clear anything up just ask. Its hard to write this whole speal out like this! Thanks for your time!
Oh and another thing is he just has been acting pretty distant since I left, he says nothing is wrong, but I just cant help but notice. We normally tell each other everything, and can tell when something is wrong with one of us!
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My Husband Is Making Me Rise Some Concern About Him: He Is Being Sneaky And I Don’t Know What Is Going On!?3 comments to My Husband Is Making Me Rise Some Concern About Him: He Is Being Sneaky And I Don’t Know What Is Going On!? |
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Wow, your situation sounds very familiar. I’m currently deployed to Afghanistan and have gone though very similar things with my wife. I deployed only 3 months after I got married to my wife. While we were dating, we both ended up deleting our MySpace accounts to the same reasons. Her family is addicted to Facebook so we kept ours. The only reason she wanted me to keep mine was so I could write on her wall every morning (if not she would get mad) but she wouldn’t write on mine. I don’t give a rat’s backside about facebook, but if she expects me to do something, she should do it too. Double standards have no place in a marriage. Anyway, I have had a bad past, compared to my wife. I was addicted to internet porn as well. Just like smoking or drinking, porn is addictive. It’s hard to be a slave to habit and quitting is really tough. The longer you have done it, the harder it is. As far as the not talking, it could be because of the deployment. No offense to you, but unless you’ve experienced deployments/combat, you just wont understand. He may have to work some things out in his head before he’s ready to talk about them. I know that I don’t talk about things untli I’ve thought about it, made sense of it and feel comfortable talking. He may be similiar.
As far as the old profiles, if there is no activity and the profile is blank then he is probably telling the truth about it: that he didn’t know how to delete them and (like you said) just forgot. I’m a slacker too. I often forget things, especially on the internet. In my eyes, if I’m not using it anymore, what’s it matter? I had an account on some movie rating site that I used about 5 years ago. I was single, in the military and hadn’t even met my wife yet, so obviously there were pictures of female celebrities on my profile. She googled my name while I was deployed and found that profile. she flipped her lid that I had another womans picture on it (modest picture, but of another woman). I told her that I hadn’t used the account in years and she finally saw that the last update on it was 5 years ago.
Bascially, my wife and I are going through very similiar situations. There are some differences,of course, but life is never the same for two people. Anyway, It’s hard. Trust me, I know. Honestly, I dont think that he’s cheating or hiding anything. You’ve recently had to be at home, away from your husband while he was in Iraq. But think of it from is point of view: He had to go to a war zone, risking his life everyday for the people of that country and ours, leave his wife and his home and everything he knows, It’s very hard to be away from everything.
As much as this all sucks, it’s just a trial that you both have to go through. It will work itself out. Just stay by his side and let him know that you love him.
It sounds like you two are headed for a marriage counsellor. Hint hint.
Your relationship started out with no trust and there still isn’t any trust. There has to be more to a marriage then just love. Is this how you plan to spend the rest of your lives, checking up on each other?