One Of My Friends Is About To Get Married, But…….?

Salam,
i have this friend who talks to this girl online, they live in diffrent locations and they haven’t met yet.
my friend is a muslim but his gf/future wife is not. she’s a christian.
but she is a nice girl since everything that my friend has told her has been accepted by her.
for example he said when they meet they can’t huge or kiss or even touch eachother.
she said she respects that. although i would be sure that she would want to kiss him and hug him.
but she said it’s going to be really hard not to.
my friend said there is one way, if they get married, they can kiss and huge.
so the girl has accepted to marry him before meeting him (i think they want to do it over the phone or something).
so since the girl is a christian, my firend can marry her, and they’ve planed everything out.
they want to get married, and they’ve talked about it, although they’ve never dated eachother, so it’s been halal for them so far (AlhamduliAllah).
but the thing is when they talk, they tell each things like “i wana kiss you,” or things like that.
so is it haram to only type and say it to eachother, although they haven’t met, but they will probebly get married?
my friend is a good muslim or at least trys to be, and i’m kind of worried about what he’s doing.
is this right? or would you say it’s still haram?
peace.

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9 Responses to “One Of My Friends Is About To Get Married, But…….?”


WP Robot September 16th, 2009 at 8:00 am

Assalamualaykum,
You should submit this question on Sunnipath.com, that’s a really good website for information on Islam and if you have any questions.

bouHAAAA September 16th, 2009 at 8:00 am

My husband and I were in this situation. i was a christian at the time and he was a muslim. he was in morocco and i was in america. we met on the net and we talked for a looooonnnggg time the first couple of times we talked . within 6 weeks we were engaged and the first time i went to see him i wanted to marry him but then i got a kick in the face and realized i was young and needed to grow up by getting a job and getting on my own. my boyfriend thingy at the time when we talked on the internet we did send each other “virtual kisses” like the things you do on msn messenger. i don’t want to say its haram but knowing as a previous christian girl i thought it was normal but now i know some stuff about Islam and i am a muslim myself i don’t think i would have been open about it. now also when i first met him i didn’t kiss or hug him until i got to his parents home (embarrassing). and then we didnt kiss in front of his parents we didn’t ever sit next to each other. but his parents knew what we were up to and they were ok with it i guess. but his sister knew and she gave him a stern talking to. and he calmed down his hormones. so you might not be the one to do the talking to maybe you are just make sure its the right time.

jo September 16th, 2009 at 8:00 am

Personally I think there is nothing wrong with it. Meeting online and getting to know the real person is romantic. IThey must love eachother for who they are and thats awesome,I think you have nothing to worry about. Everything happens for a reason.

swarovski crystals September 16th, 2009 at 8:00 am

Am sorry but it must be really desperation to want to marry a person u talk over the net.
It shows weakness, gullablness and insecutiy.
96.8% of net relationships NEVER last.
In Islam is not allowed to talk with a girl or the opposite sex unless they are family or relative or unless there is a family member or relative with you.
If ur alone and talk outside marriage then one thing leads to another thats why u see many affairs, rape, divorces, single mothers , sexual diseases within non-muslims and western world then Muslims & Islamic World.
There is always satan there ur ur alonee with a man or woman.
Islam teaches not to do that cuz then u lose ur self-respect and dignity or never had it. Thats why ppl who do tht before marriage always NEVER settle down in life, always have nervous breakdown.
Islam says wait till marriage so there is speacial bond, speacial connection thats why them marriages last all the way.
But over the net? am sorry but like i said its desperation, weakness, if ppl cant find a person in real world then how on earth they going to survive getting someone over the net? if a person is weak and desperate enough to fall for somone over the net they those people always struggle in life, always struggle to be strong, smart and intelligent. This is the truth. Thats why them net relationships never work.
You never ever see slim tall pretty girls in a net relatonship or slim tall fair rhansdome men. Maybe they are confident and can find somone in the real world. Even arrange marriages work more then so called love mariages by over 150%.
Some ppl might say they can control themslves if they talk to the opposite sex but why shud there be different rules for different ppl? Islam doesn NOT have different rules for people. Islam is one. One Soul. One Morality. If ppl think they can do what they want because they think nothing going to happen then what about the weak viulnerable people? they wont be able to control themslves. So like i said why make differnent rules for ppl. Same rules for everyday. Thats the Wisdom and Beauty of Islam. Islam protects people, respectts people. Teaches you on the right moral path as this life/world is a test and temporary. If u control urself in this life then u be rewarded in the after life.
Peace!.

duran duran i love you September 16th, 2009 at 8:00 am

no words i mean really, grow up

Yikes September 16th, 2009 at 8:00 am

The Quran says not to go near things that lead to Zina. By saying what he is saying he is going towards Zina.
I wont say If its Halal or Haram as I dont think its in my place to judge that.
Edit; In my most honest Opinion I think you should tell him to limit their talk time, if they can not keep it.. ‘formal’

fee amanillah mes amis September 16th, 2009 at 8:00 am

i think its very very admirable that the guy has told her exactly how it is islamically, and that they plan to marry before actually doing any face to face haram..
what is haram is for him to even talk to her and have a relationship with her (even if only online), but at least he hasnt done anything major by committing zinaa or anything else really.
if it doesnt work out, divorce is definately frowned upon , but at least he did it the halal way and gave it a try with her.
edit-its ok, you obviously are still either young or just aquiring knowledge..and dont realize exactly what youre saying while passing judgement
i am not “talking” to you , this is an online forum, a public forum, for the exchange of information
also, Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly, there is no doubt that such conversations, if they lead to evil and to fitnah (temptation) – as happened to you when you were infatuated with this man – are haraam and are not permitted. Everything that leads to haraam is also haraam. See the answer to Question # 6453.
Secondly: you have to repent to Allaah and seek His forgiveness for doing this haraam thing. You have to regret it and immediately stop engaging in chats with non-mahram men on these channels. You have to ask Allaah to cover your faults in this world and in the Hereafter. We advise you to use your time in things that will benefit you in your religious and worldly affairs, such as learning about your religion, taking care of your husband and looking after your children. Undoubtedly these are things for which Allaah will reward you. And you have to do a lot of righteous deeds, and get to know good women so that you will have alternatives to harmful uses of your time that bring no benefits. We ask Allaah to guide us all and give us all strength.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Lord_Ben September 16th, 2009 at 8:00 am

Brother,
It is only haram if the deed, or what they are doing leads to Zinah.
However, one’s interpretation of the Qur’an depends on where you are in the world. If you are in the Arabic Countries then it would consider Haram, because most of the arabic nations are followers that likes to interpret the Qur’an in extreme ways. However, if you live in Asian Countries, this would only be known as a way for them to meet and greet each other to get to know each other, it is not considered Haram.
I would say that it all comes back to your friend and soon to be wife, as long as they are not committing Zinah directly or indirectly, than it is not haram. The act of pleasuring themselves through the internet would be considered Zinah. So, please be wary and inform your friend not to do so.
Wassalam.

I win. September 16th, 2009 at 8:00 am

It depends how it is said. Honestly telling someone you are having difficulty with your attraction to them, that it will be hard to meet with them in person before marriage to talk because of the strength of the attraction, is honest and mature. It would be dishonest and immature to pretend it’s not a problem if it will be. That is very different from saying, “I wish we could meet with no one around because I want to kiss you.” See the difference? It seems your friend and this woman were able to discuss some issues of sexuality in relation to each other (how they are not going to hug and kiss when they meet) with maturity so hopefully they can both understand the difference.
But I don’t know how they are going to get married over the phone!



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