Hi folks. Okay, so two months ago, I put up an online dating profile on match. And well, what’s happened? Nothing. Not one man has emailed me who I’d be interested, and any man I email never responds. Getting rejected online is fun…Here’s my problem, something I have always known deep down inside my soul. No decent man is going to find me pretty enough to date. Yes, there are loser husky men who will, but not an attractive smart kind of man that I am seeking. I am 5’7″ 220 lbs and wear a size 16. Yes, I’m fat but I think I carry it well. I have a pretty face, long blonde hair, etc. My photo on Match is decent. Yet…nothing. All the men state they want slender women in their profiles. 99% of them! And there are tons of pretty slender women who may be even smarter and nicer than me. Meanwhile, no one wants me. Why is this? What should I do? I am 28 years old and never had a boyfriend. I feel like I will always be alone
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26 comments to Online Dating…am I Ugly? |
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“No decent man is going to find me pretty enough to date….”
Without seeing your profile, I can’t say, but it appears to me you are equating “loser” with oversized, be it in others or yourself.
Physical beauty does get women a second look, but as a man, I can tell you that attitude plays a much bigger role than kick *** beauty. When we are looking for someone to spend the rest of our lives with, we value someone who is comfortable with themselves and projects well with whatever they have.
They aren’t going to give you any attention for the same reason you won’t give the ‘loser husky men’ any attention.
You think you can be shallow and picky about who you date but then get upset when guys do the same to you?
why would you ask if i you are ugly and not givre us a picture. and for the record, size 16 is massive. you have high standards fr asuch a fat women… just speaking the truth. im a size 5, and i look great.
dont listen to all the mean comments people say….you will find someone but you need to stop looking for that person and just have fun..go out and just be out with friends and you’ll find someone!
So let me get this straight. You’re about 100 lbs over weight yet you refuse to date men who are overweight.
How does that work… maybe try dating the huskier men, or do you think they’re all “losers?”
DAMN! ur bigger than me by 60lbs! and i’m 5’10″. LOOSE WEIGHT!
oh, and u being fat and not dating fat men, that is called a DOUBLE STANDARD. jut thougth i would through that out there.
Honey – all men are looking for on those sites are sex. You don’t seem to have a great self image. Maybe when you see yorself as lovable other’s will too!
Well there’s someone for everyone. If 99% of men on that website only want slender girls…then they’re shallow anyway. I’m sure someday you will find someone with a nice open mind.
Maybe its in the WORDS on your match profile, and not your picture. Just a thought, men might not get an aprroachable vibe?
if you want honest opinion lose weight please.
I am 5’10 and just 160
you have 60 pounds on me and your 3 inches shorter. yikes, you might be pretty but you need to lose weight hun
online dating sucks! you should just try to get a friend you know who has a lot of guy friends to hook you up with a date sometime. but online dating is very stupid. you will never find your soulmate on there. hope i helped
yea, that ginormous paragraph says ugly right there
that sucks. try eating healthier and read more books of all kinds. thats all i can say i guess.
dont be fat
Put your pic and let us RATE you!
omg.. i feel so bad 4 u..
but dere is atleast one guy out dere dat would like u…
jus keep trying
gud luck!!
what happens in real life? Hard to say ..I wouldnt base your worth on that there are many reasons why u might not get a reply not related to ur looks
Welcome to the real world.
Firstly, this is how people in America think. Although I personally have never used an online dating site, nor really had a need to use any sort of assistance for dating, I believe I can give you a few simple, honest truths:
People are shallow – In America, we are taught to idolize beauty and slender bodies. Even though most of the guys you will encounter are ugly losers online, they will have outrageous standards and expectations. Guys always try to play out of their leauge first.
Confidence is everything (except when it comes to online dating, and this sort of thing isn’t easy to pick up on) You call yourself “fat” and yet you expect that others will find you attractive? If you can’t appreciate yourself, who will?
Online dating, believe it or not, isn’t the best way to find good people to be with. I’m not discrediting the whole process, but there is a reason why the majority of people do not use online dating sites, even though the process has become much more streamlined and easy. The reason is that it isn’t as genuine, its the lazy way of meeting people, and you can never be quite sure about the person who you are meeting online is being completely honest.
Also, online dating isn’t chalked up to be what the comericals want you to believe. They are just simply trying to sell their product. Not everyone will be able to find a perfect guy or girl who is attractive, smart, and well off.
You could also consider the fact that your standards may be too high yourself. By your description, why do you believe that an “attractive smart” man will take you? Why would their standards be lower than yours? Simply put, your expectations may be just too unrealistic. There are plenty of “husky losers” who, that if you gave them a chance, you would find tha they are actually very nice men.
What should you do? Well, the amount of effort you put in is exactly the amount of reward you will get out of it. If you believe you are too fat or overweight, then go on a diet. If you believe that’s what is preventing you from being with someone, then do something to change it. You can not go on an online dating site, change nothing about your standards or physical appearence, and assume some handsome, brilliant man will come and sweep you off your feet. The online dating world isn’t much different than the real one.
Sorry about he novel that I wrote as my answer, but seeing questions like this being asked just show me how terribly confused people are when it comes to reality. You have no idea why you can’t get a man in real life, so you turn to online dating, and when an unreasonably handsome and smart man wont take you online, you decide to turn to an online question and answer system to find out why. Get your head back in the real world.
Well the answer is that obvious, If you want and attractive decent man don’t expect him to change you need to change. You need to lose weight because in reality not many attractive men will go for you. Yes it is shallow but it is reality. My aunty was really pretty, then she had kids and gained alot of weight. When my uncle left her she was single for 5 years then as soon as she shed her weight she got a boyfriend almost instantly. Sometimes it is all it takes.
all i can say is that maybe you should lower your own standards towards the men that you would date. im sure alot of the men that have added you and you have rejected are in the same position and have been judged by their cover just like men have judged you by your looks. looks can be deceving and sometimes beauty lies within…my last boyfriend i didnt find attractive and once i got to know his personality and who he was i found him very attractive…maybe you should give someone a chance that you normal wouldnt you might be suprised with wat you find!
Well I hate to say it but all of these people are right – but not absolutely. You have some work to do. And its simple – but it’s not easy in most respects.
Ghandi said “Be the change you seek” or something like that. If you don’t like yourself – others wont either – and the ones that do you wouldn’t want to be associated with (not that it is the right way to think but that is how self-loathing works)
In other words, ““I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.” —Groucho Marx
You set your self up for a lose-lose situation. You will never win – even if you do get the guy you want.
You have to be the person who wants to be with you – and then they will come running.
Lose weight if you want to lose weight. But I know some hefty women out there that don’t seem to have a problem finding a man. BUT how you look at those “hefty men” is how you look at yourself – and if you are going to reject those men (who you haven’t yet met) it shows the world that you reject yourself. And I don’t think anyone finds that attractive.
Online dating is fine – (sorry to correct you BRAD-whose never looked online for a date and doesn’t know ANYTHING ABOUT IT) and I think it is becoming the norm (in some major cities anyway) and, yes, there are tons of people who misrepresent themselves-yet not as many as BRAD and others might think. But if you have a brain in your head (which I know you do) you can weed them out.
AND chemistry is EVERYTHING. You don’t know anything until you meet someone. I went out with the poster child for tall, dark, and handsome and there was nothing. We talked for hours and nothing. He was just not for me. But I would not have known that unless I met him. So READ the profiles of the hefty men you don’t want to date and you might be surprised that there are some real people behind those profiles. You might want to Give them a shot – DON”T BE UNSAFE —follow your gut— but maybe give the nice guy a shot (in a public place with an exit plan.)
You are young—you will find your way, just don’t give up on yourself.
You have to be very careful in this day in age and use your better judgment when meeting people off line. My thoughts on online dating, as a professional working class woman it’s hard for me to actually hit the club scene or local bars (1) that’s just not my thing (2) I have to be careful about where I go and who I socialize with. I spend a lot of time on the internet so I kind of think internet chat/ meeting could be a great thing it just has to be done with caution.
uh…you are a contradiction in terms. you are a big shallow fat ass complaining that men are too shallow. lose some weight if you want a thin guy. …fatty
I don’t like a fat girl and probably no one does. If you know you are fat then find the way to LOOSE WEIGHT! Eat less and workout. Simple things if you cannot do then you deserve to be alone. Suck it up.
I agree with that one poster about online men just looking for sex… Stay away from the onliners…
But I think there’s something bigger going on here that “double standards.”
I am thinnish. Hell, I jog and try to go 4 miles on foot three or four times a week. However, I’ve been single for 5 years. I cry myself to sleep often. I believe no one wants me. You see… I got used. Badly. I was beaten. I was yelled at, daily. I wasn’t allowed to read or do anything or talk or leave the house unless it was to make money. I had to pay his bills and mine. I couldn’t live with him but I couldn’t leave either. This went on for two years…
When I got away I was badly damaged and if I got involved with someone and talked about my past they called me “crazy” and made fun of me on their way out of my life. Eventually I found someone nice and found out he was still having sex with a wife I didn’t know about…
I could probably still get a boyfriend. However, I’ve become shallow. I’ve decided that every man is going to shit on me so I only want a really hot sophistocated one because, then, I can look back and say “Well, at least he was better than me. No wonder he left.” Instead of “this middle aged, cracked out, broke ass SLOB didn’t appreciate my sweet, submissive, 21 year old, generous ass??? WTF?!!!”
I’m guessing that you’ve had experiences that made you lose your ability to be loving, accepting, understanding and… Usable… And no selfish man will keep a woman that doesn’t serve her sacrificial purpose.
You’re not alone because you’re ugly. You’re alone because men are ugly. You’re alone because it beats the alternitive and if you give yourself a little credit, you’ll realize that you’re alone because you chose to be. Because you love yourself too much to let someone destroy you again.
Soo, BBW hotty bad ass bitch… Fuck ‘em.
Love ya!
PS… My mom was 5’7″, 220 LB and wore an 18… She landed an ex marine who worked out constantly, provided a VERY comfortable life with a hot tub and a new car just for her… and she was 49!!! They were married 10 years, things went sour, she used HCG to lose weight and divorced him, took him to the cleaners, still lives off his income and has a younger man… and they smoke pot and go to titty bars now… I don’t know what happened to her…
Anyway. She’s happy. You can be too.