Unique situation. So no normal anything to this. I am a single mother to a daughter-whom the father is not involved. I met a muslim Egyptian man Mahamet online and have been talking since. The site has a choice of type of relationship seeking (both want marriage). He has been living in california on a visa for the past 6-7 years. (ironically same city my brother used to attend school, and also had egyptian roommates). I don’t really claim a religion but am very spiritual and open to all faiths. He is busy, I am..this is why we chose online dating. The more we talk the more I fall. We even have debates but have an understanding and respect for one another. We talk on the webcam and talk on the phone everyday or every few days when we are busy. We don’t feel the need to push something if it isn’t right so we want to take time. But in our unique situations we don’t have time. I financially will be forever doomed to poverty until I finish my schooling (only a quarter finished). I am relying on my family for everything, and I wish for my situation to be different. I have very traditional ideals woman at home with family, man working. I want my daughter to have a father-to have siblings, to have a traditional home life. Mahamet and I seem to have very similar goals and are commited to the idea of marriage and just very equal and based on love. Of course web is nothing like meeting so this I am concerned. He and I do not have funds to be travelling, so it’s as though we either marry or not. I have researched much on islam, foreigners marrying for visas, online dating, quick marriages etc. But I thought good old fashioned advice best! I have read people married after 6 weeks of dating and being married for 32 years! You never really know a person until you live with them. Even dating won’t let you know who the real person is, until you live with them. I very much need my family’s approval as they are my whole support but in the past they don’t support anyone that I love! And the one that they liked previously wasn’t what I call a man! My heart and mind tells me this is very right and that we just need to meet once. He is very open-minded, driven, and a hard-worker. He possesses many great qualities. Is there a time too soon to marry? I don’t want to go against my family-but also there are reasons to marry besides love. Many countries marry for other purposes. The two of us would really help each other out in many ways. We both don’t drink, smoke, anything bad, are very spiritual. We don’t want to have sex before marriage. But it’s like how could we date for a year possibly with no sex…then I would only think of him as a friend..very confusing I know. hopefully this makes sense. Because I need some advice! Trying to better our situations, looking for a father for my daughter and a husband life partner. Let me know if I was too vague? THank you 
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Should I Get Married?13 comments to Should I Get Married? |
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That’s right you don’t know a person until you live with them. You deserve to be happy, as you mention that your child’s father is not in his daughter’s life I hope you are not going in head first for a father figure for her. I am sure she will grow to be a very happy and contented child whether you marry or not.
Caution…whilst this guy seems great, you cannot always tell in internet dating.
I don’t mean to sound harsh..my only concerns here would be if he were seeking permanent residency, different cultural beliefs, etc (ie this is for any religion and not just Muslim).
I would however, be doing so much more research especially when crossing cultures in marriage. There is alot to consider.
Firstly, this is only hypothetical…once married he may want to move back to Egypt and being Muslim he would probably want you to convert and wear Muslim clothing covering from head to toe…would you be comfortable doing this (only you can know the answer to this). Whilst all Muslims or any other culture are not the same men usually eat / socialise away from women so if he has family in Egypt you would probably be expected to talk and write arabic otherwise you may find yourself quite cut off from your family.
My suggestion would be to talk to someone who knows all about this first hand.
I am sure there is a Islamic mosque somewhere in a surburb near you ? If so, I would give them a call and tell them your concerns, questions which they will be happy to answer. I know a few surburbs from where I live the Mosques have an ‘open day’ as the unfortunate event in 2001 caused lots of problems for people in the Muslim faith due to ingorance. The ‘open day’ really worked by answering questions and clearing misinformation which people believed.
I would take it very slowly to get to know each other, this would be the same with any new relationship and especially more so for you as you have a child to consider.
Good luck and be happy.
I don’t know. Should you? You are the one that will be living the life, so look deep within yourself and think long and hard. Then make a decision. Good Luck.
NO. Dont be ina rush. Wait. Wait some more. He’s foreign, you’ll have issues i bet. Love ain’t enough. Relax a little bit. He maybe a terrorists.
I would never put myself in that situation.
you shouldn’t consider anyone that is here on a VISA
no but hell no.. is he americanized ? if not hell no
only you know the answer baby
Don’t Do It~!
No no and NO!
your heart knows what is right nobody else does
Sounds like you are seeing marriage as being a solution to a perceived situation you think is a problem…..consider from what you have said….
He has no money and you have no money…no financial stability there as a reason to get married…Your words – “I financially will be forever doomed to poverty until I finish my schooling” so how does marrying him give you financial stability?
Choosing a person you have never met in person as a marriage partner is fraught with more problems than someone you can meet in person and date for a while, where you can see how his manner and attitudes are to you your friends and family at eye level….it also gives you a chance to measure him intuitively….(when its confined to online only, reality can get easily confused with desirable images in ones mind and the collision of unreal expectations with reality can shatter ones confidence and ego deeply)
Justifications about what others have done and achieved ie: married after 6 wks dating etc ….others experiences are not enough reasons to try marriage out for yourself…
Sounds like you are trying to convince yourself he is your answer….
What you are going through is understandable when one becomes lonely and longs for closeness and relief from worry and stress…this is a dangerous time to make long term decisions…as your emotional emptiness longs to be filled with warmth and comfort….
This is when your mind reason and intelligence needs to take over….and be tough and look after your best interests…listen to intellect and logic….you dont have enough reasons for your own well being and long term happiness to marry this guy….in my opinion because of the situation you are in is clouding your decision making…I think you could be better served by keeping your friend as that… just a friend…until he is in a position to take full responsibility for you and your child financially and emotionally, and you are in a position to accept him as a husband for a long term partnership from decisions void of desperation, longing, fear, and loneliness…
i would much rather struggle with my life alone then marry someone who could possibly be crazy or not the man for me. as u said, u will never kno the person unless u live with him but why would u marry a man who is also having finacial difficulties?? i mean i dont see how u will be improving your life here. i think u to should meet first and see where things take u. make sure he treats your child right. never trust ANYONE with your daughter. never leave her with him…..everrrr
i mean i hear so many horrid stories bout this i could write all day.
i say take it slow, whats the rush???? if this guy is meant for you then he will be. alot of women rush into marriage just bcuz of the circumstance as u say but are they happy at the end??? Nope..
think of that..think of your daughter…
i wouldnt trust an arabic man with my socks let alone my life… iv had plenty of friends who have married egyptians and morraccans and have divorsed since then and only regret it. but do what ur heart feels.
a few debates on webcam dont make this guy marriage material.
and if he asked u 2 marry him and he does have a visa u can almost guarantee he wants papers.
like i tell my friends…ull know in 5years…and
they always find out the hard way.
you are no position to consider marriage. the best marriages come from strength of both people you are in a weak position financially and with having a child. You need to get that education, a good job, savings and a home. a car and paid off school loans. then consider a partner.