Should Men Be Given Second Chances?

Hi,
I am Christian,I need Christian advice only…
This post is a continuation of a post that I made several months ago…
briefly,
I met a guy that I fell in love with, but wanted to wait to have sex until we were married. He would not wait– raped me then promised to marry me…never did it…and I never called the cops…
The majority of those that replied told me that I should forget about him, so I have ended the relationship…
He is now sending me texts asking me to forgive him… says that he is sorry…
I still love him, is it possible that he really is sorry? Should I give him a second chance or continue to ignore him…
He is still registered on his online dating sites…
and I have noticed one women who replies to his page often…
and I do not know if he has been going to church regularly…
What do you think?
Talk to him or not?
Thanks and God Bless,
Ms S

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm and is filed under Christian Online Dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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32 Responses to “Should Men Be Given Second Chances?”


A Modest Proposal August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

You love a man that raped you?
What in the world are you thinking?

tbiel August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

first of all i’m sorry. i’m sorry for those guys out there who are jerks and treat women badly like your ex did. don’t believe him and don’t give him the time of day. forgive him but don’t trust him again or give him a second chance. if a guy is pressuring you into sex then he doesn’t truly respect you or your wants and needs. that he raped you means he really doesn’t care about you, he just wants sex.

What? August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I wouldn’t talk to him. If you have forgiven him that’s great. There is something seriously wrong with this guy who supposedly loves you and then rapes you. I would move on and find a true God fearing man that respects you and your wishes.
Who cares if he has been going to church or not, that does not make him a Christian..his ‘fruits’ are what you should look at to determine if he’s walking the walk or just talking the talk. From what you have said, I don’t see any ‘fruit’ I see ‘thorns and thistles’

Truth Train August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Ok let’s be honest here.
Men should be given second chances….but not necessarily for rape.
The chances of this working out well aren’t that good, but the choice is still yours.
Edit: Yes, you must forgive him. But that is different then taking him back.
Good luck.

Hit Pig [scoffer] August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

So, let me get this straight, you LOVE a man who raped you?
get help NOW.
Many churches can recommend therapists who are in line with your religion’s teaching.
But please ignore this guy, and stop accessing his private online accounts, you reaally need help, please get it.

Pierce August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Honey – Rape is rape and unacceptable. I am an atheist and have no issues here regarding religion – yet, the very fact that you didn’t give consent makes it rape and sets a presedent for your future relationship. Give him a miss.
Atheist

Suffice to say August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART!
If you know the Word of God, you will know if a person is telling a truth or just putting on a show. Pray to the Lord!
God Bless You!

oldguy63 August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

He is a loser. Marriage to him won`t change a thing in him. Move on! It is too important a commitment to be tied together with someone like that.

ediets August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

God will give anyone that asks him a second chance. Thankfully, we don’t have to. Leave this man alone. Love DOES NOT HURT! Get some counseling. Good luck and God bless.

deer August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I think most of the times, yes.
Please ignore this if you mind solicitation. May you please answer mine?http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind…

Trish JPA and Jewish Pastafarian August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

No rapist deserves a second chance, for ANY reason.
Period.
And for God’s sake (not to mention your OWN) – GET SOME COUNSELING!!!!!!!

Fierce August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

The real question you need to ask yourself is, “Why would I choose to love someone who’d rape me?” Clearly, no man would ever rape someone he even liked a little let alone loved.

Brain Blast! August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I believe that for most occasions. It has nothing to do with my religious beliefs.
EDIT: I didn’t read details. He doesn’t deserve one

Spider Man August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

They have been given many more than 2nd chance.
The Lord is mercyful thank him.

Caboose August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Stay away from this man. He is dangerous, and a sick individual.
Never, ever associate with a rapist.

College Frosh August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Oh ****, didn’t realize how serious the question was.
WTF no you shouldn’t, and you don’t need freakin jesus to tell you that!

edamame August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

No man, whatever religion or the lack of, should rape you. You will find a loving person anywhere else, better than this fool. Forget about him… DUH.

China Doll 3 August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I do not understand how you could even consider, marrying him or even have a relationship with him, after what he as done.

Overweig August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Forget about him.He’s trying to be a playa.
Don’t waste your time with a rapist.You should have called the police on him.

USB Microscopes August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

If this was about me, I would NOT give him another change. He is a rapist

Chariot August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Not this kind of man.

δίκοπο μαχαίρι August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Run, girl…and don’t look back.

tornado of souls August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

wait…you didn’t call the cops when he raped you?

Calvin August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

If you were my daughter I would put the boy in a hospital (or far worse)….
you should stay clear of a man like that.

Luci J August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Wow. When I first saw this my first thought was NO you should not give a man a second chance. Then I read the rest of what you wrote. Jeez hon you need to talk to someone and I am sure it feels so lonely and I am sure you don’t know which way to go because of your feelings. This is so mixed and I can understand why you write this. I understand your confusion (more than you know). You were in love with him and those emotions were there when he raped you. I am sure there are a pile of emotions on top of that as well. Take it from me you need to go to counseling. You CAN forgive him but you should not go back to him. He needs counseling too. Believe it or not there are actually some men that do this and only to that one woman and not to every woman they have been with – I don’t understand it completely but it must be the dynamics of these two individuals that come into play. He might even deny it was rape – even when he continues to do it. He might even try to put the blame on you like this is what you wanted or we were going to eventually do it anyway. But this is beside the point even if you think he will never do it again and he thinks he never will you both need counseling. REALLY need it. Please get it and don’t meet up with him. You have to work on this issue that has to do with you first. You know if you want to email me you can. I know people are saying all these rotten things about him and maybe it does not measure up with the person you knew him to be before he did what he did. Is he completely rotten? I am sure you think he is not and that is why you are so confused. But above all right now is not the time to meet with him. You are still too vulnerable. Email me if you need to. May God bless you sweety. I’m sending prayers.

littlela August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I am a Christian, I believe in forgiveness. In this case you can forgive but keep your distance. HE RAPED YOU!!! He proved to you that he is dangerous. Maybe he changed his ways, but I doubt it, I wouldn’t want to give him another chance to find out if he really did change or not. Protect yourself, leave the criminal alone, and find a man who will love you and protect you and cherish you for what you are. There is a difference between forgiving and looking for trouble. You don’t have to be friends with everyone. People have the misconception that God is all loving all the time. God does love all but there does come a time when God says enough is enough. This is why Hell exists. He punishes those that continue to rebel. Some people never change. Don’t be a victim for a second time. God Bless

Samantha B August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I cant give you avise as a christian but I can give you avise as a woman who has been through a similar experiance. Get as far away from that man as possible. Forgiveness can only take you so far… and I nearly got killed because I forgave the wrong man one to many times. Sometimes it can reach a point of beating a dead horse, why even consider continuing in a relationship that you know would never work out. Bottom of the line… if he raped you he did not care about you or what your wants are, that means he did not respect you. And that he did not ever love you. Get him away, call the cops if he wont. But he should eventually move on to someone else and get out of your hair. Start dating someone else, there are always better guys out there… always. And even the better ones are still pigs.

DOUGHBOY August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

If you would leave him alone, he would eventually leave you alone, and practice and time makes for closure.
If a man loves you does he rape you? No. Why do you only think there is this only one man in the world that you have to choose from to GIVE YOUR LOVE to?
He’s is not a good choice and your love should be motivated to a man who loves you also and doesn’t lie stating he loves you when you know he does not. A man cherishes and listens to the woman he loves; he does not do violence to her and hurt her.
This guy is maybe obsessed with you, but he does not love you. If you continue this situation with him, he will beat you next and maybe even kill you. You are worth so much more than this. Why do you think you cannot get any better? That you cannot, or are unable to seek out another man who will truly show you what love is?
A man who loves his woman, marries her, and does right by her. He does not commit acts of violence towards her. HE DOES NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT LOVE IS, for if he did, why would he feel the need to rape you? to commit acts of violence upon you?
This man is not from God for he is from Satan the devil and this situation is only a prelude to more delusional, psychotic and violent acts from this man. I know I went through this in my younger years and I got out in time. The one I loved who raped me and beat me is now over 40 years old and has been doing time in a maximum prison for off and on throughout life; a loser and a violent individual — has never changed but has gotten worse. The family of this individual aided and abedded the conduct but there was little or no discipline. It comes from the family and is up to the individual to break the mold; if he does not, get away.
RUN!

mr.obvio August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

If a person is that selfish to think about himself before you and disrespect you like that, Then NO, baloney he has something wrong with him and all he wants is to have you for a trophy, If he cannot control his own body members then who will, You can’t. and he had a chance to do the right thing and blew it. I would just stay away from him, in fact I would make a police report with a letter in detailed as you can and let them have it on file, this could be something you are not aware of. Rape! This is the most disrespecting thing he could do, is there anything worst, use your mind and think outside, is this was your family member would you let that person in your family.

The Smart Guy August 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Tell him if he comes to church with you on a regular basis and becomes baptized if he isn’t already then you’ll forgive him.

Local London Adult Dating January 18th, 2010 at 6:16 am

First of all you should not love a man like him. If he has raped you you should call the police, no rapper should walk free. He will do this again to other women, I am sure.



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