Online Dating Blog

I must warn you, this is in fact a complicated story.
In March of 2009, I met a girl at a birthday party. She lives in the next town over and goes to school with some friends of mine. Let’s call her Jane.
Jane and I had a connection upon meeting. She tried to get me to dance the whole night, but I don’t especially like to dance so this was a challenge for her, but she persisted. Finally, a slow song came on and I got up and danced with her. That song became our song.
About 5 days later, we hung out and held hands. Then, 4 days after that, we hung out again and had our first kiss. I then asked her to the dance at my school, and she came. I asked her to be my girlfriend that night, and she said yes.
Several weeks went by, and I sent her a cute text message. She apparently showed it to her friend John.
[Now here is the story with John. She was on her friend’s screen name about a month before we met and started talking to this guy. He was over a year older than her, and went to her friends school which is neither hers, nor mine. They liked each other, but had never met in person. You will hear me mention his name quite often.]
Her friend John told her that he had seen that message before somewhere online. She then thought I took it from somewhere and got mad at me. Eventually, she did believe me.
Over the Summer, she got a sunburn on her butt. He told he wanted to lick it better. He also said he wanted to shower with her. She then proceeded to ask me if I would be ok with them hanging out. I didn’t think she would try anything, but it was him that I did not trust. I told her I would feel more comfortable if she stopped talking to him and that she needed to choose between me and him. She chose me. But she still talked to him.
I then found out through a mutual friend that she had feelings for him. She did love me though. She was severely confused. I started to get scared, especially since I was seeing her less and less because of her busy schedule. Finally, I called a friend that I had not heard from in a while because I thought she was across the country for the summer. She was actually back, so we planned to hang out and go for a walk.
I suppose that on the walk, I felt comfortable and free from my problems and I had a sort of “at peace” feeling that my friend gave me. I felt something for her. That night, I suggested to Jane that we should take a break. There were three conditions. We promised each other that we could get back together within a year, that we would save our virginities for each other, and that we would remain friends during the break.
I lied to her. I was not honest with her about my feelings for the other girl. It was part of the reason I suggested the break, but not the whole reason. I could not see Jane often since she was busy, and I knew she had feelings for him.
Me and the other girl did eventually go out, but I cheated on her with Jane. I kissed Jane when I saw her. I loved her. Breaking up with her was the biggest mistake of my life. She eventually found out that I wasn’t honest that me and the other girl were dating and got extremely upset because we planned on getting back together soon (me and the other girl had already broken up)
Things got a little better, but she said she didn’t want anything with anyone. 4 days later, she was dating John. That was a month and a half ago.
She promised we could go to a place that has a lot of Christmas lights to look at.
I still love her. I miss her. I don’t think this John is good for her. He yelled at her because her phone died, he doesn’t trust her to hang out with me. He told her to stop talking to me. (Yes, I suppose I did the same. But I didn’t want her to get raped or something, because she had never met this guy and he wanted to hang out alone? Shady…)
She says she wants to be friends, but that she wants me to not talk to her for a while to give her space. I respect that. But now she couldn’t keep her promise about going to that place. Instead, her facebook profile picture is her. There. With him.
She says that “he is her everything” and he is so “amazing”. She says she feels nothing for me anymore and that she wants me to be happy and move on. But I can’t lie to another girl. I love Jane. I would do anything to get her back. Telling this story to someone that does not know us both personally, it sounds like a stalker story, and I can see why. But that’s not me. I’m a guy with a big heart, and I may have screwed up. Bigtime. But there are no lengths I would not go through to prove to her that I am better than I showed a few months ago. He doesn’t even trust her not to talk to me. He told her if she talks to me he’d break up with her. But she still does, and he tells her he doesn’t trust her. I suppose he shouldn’t trust her, either.
The possibilities I can gather are endless. Maybe she just needs to be with him right now so that a future relationship with me
and her would be better?