Online Dating Blog

My husband and I have been married for 3 and a half years, together for 6 we started out as very good friends 11 years ago. There is a pretty incredible history. Now here is what I am faced with now. After all that time of knowing this person I come to find out that I didn’t know him at all because he lied to me constantly or left things out. Lie number one 9 months after we were married and I was pregnant with out first child, he tells me that he had slept with his brother’s ex-girlfriend within a week of them breaking up (his brother is his best friend) We were broken up at the time that this happened. I too had slept with someone else during this time and before we even got back together I told him about it because I felt as if we might get back together and I am very honest about things like that. Well after we got back together he started questioning me constantly about that sexual relationship like “how could you sleep with someone you barely knew?” “I just don’t understand how you could just sleep with someone like that?” now I take that with heavy implications that I am somewhat of a slut or something. So I go on feeling pretty guilty about it for a few months till he stops asking about it and commenting about it, all the while he did the same thing but he also betrayed the only person in his life that meant anything to him (his brother). Then we get married after having ample time for him to disclose all of this he finally tells me. I am pissed and felt trapped because I was pregnant at the time and while I wanted to leave him I also felt that with a child coming it changed the way I would have handled it if i had been single. Lie number 2 when we first got back together he told me about how he went through all of his stuff and threw out anything that conflicted with his christian beliefs which consisted of posters, pot smoking, porn, he quit smoking etc. I was thrilled because alot of that stuff is stuff we fought about when we dated before. A month after we got married he went out and bought all kinds of porn to have around the house. It bothered me but he didn’t watch it that much so I didn’t really care. Then I find out he is watching it all the time and lying about it. Lie number 3 he starts having this online emotional affair with an ex-girlfriend. I confronted it he ended it. So you can see the trust is degraded not completely gone at this point but definitely lowered. Then about a year later he is watching a rediculous amount of porn and really bad in nature (not child porn, but pretty disturbing). I don’t say anything (my fault) I just withdrawl from him more.Then I guess this is kind of lie number 4 although he didn’t really deny it he was just hiding it. He was sexting an ex-girlfriend and IMing while I was in bed crying because we just had a fight. I confronted it two days later and packed up my son and myself and left. 3 days later I find out I’m pregnant. He calls me crying saying he doesn’t know what is wrong with him that he loves us and we are the only thing that matter to him and he will do anything to make it right. So I come back we enter counselling. He says he is a sex addict that was the reason for his online/phone sex thing. So I told him he needed to get help then. So he did counselling for a few weeks then got a second job (we did need the money) then stopped counselling because he didn’t have time. Now he is back in counselling because I served him with an ultimatum. He told me the other day that if I knew the things he thought of all the time I never would have married him. He said he thinks about sex all the time now I know as a society we stereotype men as only thinking about sex all the time but this is literally all the time. He says just seeing people he thinks of them in a sexual way. He says he struggles with it all the time but he is trying to change his thought process.
I about 75% want out of this marriage, but a small part of me believes he does want to change and that he can. However, I’m pretty pissed off that I made a decision without having all the information first, but believed I had all the information. It wasn’t like we got married and then I was like “surprise!! I have an addiction, and I screwed your bestfriend but we’re married now and there is nothing you can do about it.” You know (I didn’t do any of that by the way, just making a point). However, our counselor of course is trying to “keep us together” She keeps saying this is an addiction it has nothing to do with you.And other stuff. How am I supposed to believe anything from him when everything that would have impacted my decision on marrying him was a lie?