Online Dating Blog

well… hm i have a question a very hard one.. i met this guy 9 months ago on the paramore chat site. i wasnt even looking for anyone just chatting to a few people about teh band cause i love the band! and then i found out he was french and 18 and he was into all the bands i was into and he was really sweet im australian btw. but i had a boyfriend at the time. i would come home jump online and tell him everything about my day and about my life. and i told him about some things that arose in my mind about my 3 week boyf and how he didnt bother to pay for the first date etc and the french would say he was a jerk and how i derserve better but at that time we didnt have feeligns for eachother then he started to tell me about how he liked this girl at his school and told me all about her and i listened and gave him feedback told him to ask her out etc and then so he did they went out for a week i think lol but weird thing is we both broke up with our boyfriend/girlfriend on the same day! and we laughed about it together and there was this whole big argument with me and my mum and my ex and he calmed me down and helped me basically was there through like everything lol. i saw pictures of him too on myspace he is really cute and then one day we were talking and he confessed he had feelings for me i cant rememeber if i had feelings for him before he told me but i was like against long distance relationships and i knew of the dangers with internet and how you cant trust someone. but because i had seen pictures and talked to his friends online it felt ligit and he was a christian as well as me so i kinda think maybe God planned us to meet. then i said i liked him too. and then he was kinda taken aback by that and was surprised but happy and then we continued on talking just we ended it off with cute things etc and he was and still is my best friend i tell him everything and what i go through he listens to my problems and basically says he would do everything to make me happy. I listen to him too he has some problems with his dad cause his dad is a alchoholic his parents are divorced the same as mine and we relate to a lot. And he told me he loved me a few months ago now me.. ive never been in love before but i have never felt this way about anyone before.its just confusing sometimes and hard because he lives so far away.And i have seen him on webcam in vice versa and i have like a commitment problem like i dont go from one guy to the next im just scared of falling in love i guess lol. cause my parents are divorced i have never seen a happy ending. And then i felt so scared but happy at the same time and then said i loved him too it was like being in some surreal dream. and then he was like ” wow serious? i mean wats happening? and im like huh? and hes liek are you for real do u actualy mean it/ and im like i wouldnt say it i didnt mean it. and hes like ohmygosh all my dreams are coming true. and then yeah so you get the point then we continued to talk etc but it kinda went down from there he keeps talking about marriage etc wen we havent even met yet! hes going to visit me next year after i turn 17 but anyways he was saying i love you … and talked about marriage and working in missionary wen i leave school i mean HOLD UP! i was getting seriously sick in the stomach and i told him that i was unsure and hes like well its what i want for my life and stuf then we kinda just stopped talking a bit and he told me he felt like a jerk later and that he still loved me and wanted to be with me. i am just unsure about the future and what it has planned i mean what if hes not the one? i feel he is though in my heart. life is so confusing. the whole day i was upset before he had told me the whole thing about the future i want to become a author not a missionary i just dont want our relationship to end because of our future plans.My friends are happy for me but they just say whatever happens happens.. but i really cant stand the thought of him with another girl. it makes me cry to think about that actually. its like some weird sick twisted fate. i dont think ill ever be able to find someone as good as him. we are still going along together btw i told him to take it slower and to just see what happens. he is going to university in usa soon i will miss him heaps and im going to vietnam for a month. theres a part of me that is unsure a part saying give up now and look at all the time you have wasted and i am preparing myself and trying to guard my heart for the future heartbreak but im not sure if it will be enough. even if i locked it away in a cage it would still ache. what do you think?