I am writing because I am so confused on how to deal with my inlaws and more importantly, my sister in law, and I need help on how to deal with this.
My sister in law was married for 5 years this past May when her husband came in a said he wanted a divorce, no counseling, nothing, he was leaving, taking the big screen, and gone. He would come over in the morning while she was at work and take their child to day care, he would mow the grass. A week later we found out he had been having an affair. In the mean time, he is still coming over and sleeping with my sister in law. My mother and father in law, immediately get a lawyer, and it finally took about 6 months for a separation to be drawn up, and they signed their papers.
In the mean time, my soon to be ex brother in law, has not cut the grass like he promised, and has been caught going through my sister in laws financial documents and her house in general. She makes excuses at why we tell her not to let him in her house, but she continues to say that she needs the help for her daughter in the am since she has to be at work at 6 45, and daycare doesnt open until 7.
Anyways, alittle history about this man: he is 30, this is his second marriage- apparently his 1st wife cheated…. not sure I buy this: his has been discharged from the military-not sure why or his status: his was sexually molested by his father as a child, no counseling: he has openly cheated on my sister in law, not sure how many times: his general demeanor is rude: hes rude to my family on many many occasions: and during my wedding, all the girls went to get their hair and make up done and he was ticked off because she was gone all day and she couldnt go sight see with him, so she owed him a “sexual favor”- if you get my drift…
This past month he told her she needed to get on with her life. She needed to go online to a dating site and meet someone. She did! A NICE man with a big family a little girl the same age, he owned his own business, and she actually spent the night with him. We were ecstatistc!!!!! Then their grandfather died, a huge emotional stress. The soon to be ex, came back in telling her she was moving too fast, he wanted to work things out, he broke it off with the ex girlfriend. All of this within a few days and she took him back.
In the mean time we have supported her financially to get away from this guy, we have gone above and beyond doing everything in our power to help her see the light. But now the kicker- hes seen God. Satan had been in his heart.
Its like hes brainwashed her. Its like shes in a cult! I mean its so convenient to use God as an excuse! I think its Devil making them think its God… I mean I dont understand this.
My husband and I said we wouldnt ostracize her or her child (with him), but at this time, we are so sickened and unable to deal with the heartache anymore. Its unfair to us. Weve spent so many nights unable to sleep, and watch their parents cry, and worry, and weep. Its sickening. I feel bad for removing her from my life, however, I am unable to take the physical effects this is having on my own body. Really, I am. I cant sleep, and I also suffer from anxiety- the type when your hearts beating so fast, and you dare someone to speak out of line to you in that moment like your going to fly off the deep end.
My husband, who is a counselor for drug abusers, wrote her the nicest letter, that took him 4 hours to write, and said the things we will or will not do, and that was we will not support her.
I can feel that my husband and I could have strong disagreements and harm our own marriage because of this, so we are choosing to go on with our lives without her, and if so, our niece, because we refuse to allow this man who has treated us with the utmost disrespect to be in our presence. I dont even care about the disrespect he has caused her, but he will not talk to me or my husband in inapproriate ways.
I come from a family where you mess with me, my dad is coming after you. Their family keeps taking the disrespect of slamming doors in his mothers face, and then welcomes him the following weekend to their dinner table. It is the christian thing for them to do, and thats what they want.
Can anyone give me advice on this issue. I feel so stuck.
