I’m really not interested in people answering this just to be mean or to try to make me feel bad, so please don’t bother.
For people who’ll answer seriously, how have any lesbians gone ahead with getting pregnant, as me and my partner are in the early stages of planning for this?..
My partner already has a 4 year old daughter who lives with us, and we would like to add to our family. I have started charting my cycle by noting it down on a chart and doing the temperature thing on a morning to identify when I’m ovulating, but this is just a start of course…
We were wondering about signing up to a website that arranges women to meet with men who are interested in donating sperm, which appears to have worked out for a lot of people, but obviously isn’t without complications. Though it you gain contact, initially online and then in person (kind of like online dating), and obviously you ask as many questions as you can regarding intent, willingness to be checked out and tested for everything possible, medical history, if they want to be involved etc etc
Just wanted to know how other people have gone about it, and for any advice as the more info we have the more we can evaluate it all and decide how to go forward..
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Trying To Conceive – Lesbian Mothers?5 comments to Trying To Conceive – Lesbian Mothers? |
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Using an unscreened sperm donor is as unsafe as a heterosexual woman becoming pregnant by a stranger. You’re leaving yourself open to STIs, HIV (of face bills to pay for their tests). plus if you go via a registered sperm bank the donors are screened for all this, plus also for genetic disorders, so you won’t end up with a baby affected by cyctic fibrosis, Tay Sacs, Muscular Dystrophy etc.
Registered sperm donors are your best bet, a lot safer for you/ your partner and the baby. I think the legal side of parentage is also taken care of through a registered donor, whilst through unregistered donors it is not (unregistered donors would still have parental rights).
Good luck honey xx
A couple that I know has gone to a fertility center. They used donor sperm (and yes the people are checked medically and you get to look at their dossier – to see race, tall/short, hair/eye color (genetics). Yes you do have to pay for it, but then you don’t have to meet the gentleman and you can chose IUI or IVF as a way of fertilization.
Good luck with your decision.
Well I am not a lesbian. But I think meeting someone online to donate sperm is a terrible idea. I think you should go to a sperm bank. I have never heard of someone meeting a man online to donate sperm. You will probably have to pay as much if not more. But if you meet someone you will have to pay for their tests. At sperm banks the men have already been tested and you don’t have to meet them. I think that is the best way.
It seems that the website you’re referring to is well-respected, considers all the medical and safety issues, and is probably an excellent resource. I have colleagues whose male friend is the donor for both their kids (each has a different mother) and it’s a fabulous and open relationship for all. The girls have the same daddy and they both get two mummies. What could be better?! Therefore, I’d say any situation where you can keep a relationship with the father is a good thing and worth pursuing. Personally, I would have the insemination done in a clinic (rather than at home) simply because the success rates are higher. Also, be sure to use an ovulation predictor kit in addition to the temperature method; it’s a good safety net for accuracy.
There are potential downsides to using a private donor, but if he is tested for STI’s, and you have a written agreement about what happens post-conception, things will almost always work out. It’s worked out for hundreds of other lesbian couples, and used to be the only option in the days when clinics wouldn’t inseminate lesbians. You will also know what your donor’s really like, not just how the clinic describe him. Most important of all, your children will be able to know who he is before they turn 18.
Note that it is not possible to have both mothers’ names on the birth certificate unless you go through a clinic. If you both want to be the legal parents, you will have to adopt, which can take a long time.
There are several sites to find a private donor. The largest free one is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FreeSpermDonors
Most people trying to conceive with a private donor use OPK’s (ovulation predictor kits) rather than BBT (body basal temperature) to time insemination btw.